Home Video High-Tech Garbage: Transformers

Transformers
Directed by Michael Bay
Released July 3, 2007

The entire set-up behind this big-budget summer remake of the 1980s series is flawed from the beginning. The script is hands-down the most problematic element here. The first hour is annoying, and spends far too much time on the unpopularity of Shia LaBeouf's Sam Witwicky, and every other character is just as dumb. The words that come out of these people's mouths are appallingly painful to listen to. And that is before the second hour turns into a bad comedy and the Autobots start talking like they are wannabe gangsters. LaBeouf and female star Megan Fox have absolutely zero chemistry, and Fox's character undergoes a complete character makeover about an hour in for absolutely no reason. Throw in Josh Duhamel running around shooting people and you have one inane film. I hope for the sake of their careers that Jon Voight, Anthony Anderson, and John Turturro rub this embarassing film off their resumes. To top it all off, the number one smartest scientist in the United Sates is Australian (what?) and judging by the message boards I read, almost everyone was just as annoyed by her as I was. The one decent part of the film: the effects. At some points, when the Autobots are originally transforming, it is just visually astounding. Later on, however, they continue to be either cars or seemingly roller-skating massive machines who are just short of impressive. The lengthy runtime (2 hrs 23 mins) was not the problem - I would have been just as bored if they had ended it after an hour and a half.

F

Oscar chances: The film was just announced as one of seven finalists for the Best Visual Effects category, and it should have no problem getting in and having to compete with "300", "The Golden Compass", "I Am Legend", or "Pirates of the Caribbean 3" for the win. Best Sound and Best Sound Editing are possibilities too if voters can hear past the banality of the dialogue.