AFT Awards: Worst Movie of the Year

This is the twentieth category of the 1st Annual AFT Film Awards to be announced. The AFT Awards are my own personal choices for the best in film of each year and the best in television of each season. The AFT Film Awards include the traditional Oscar categories and a number of additional specific honors. Nominees are listed in alphabetical order by film title. Winners will be announced in late February.

I have said most of what I feel about these films in the full reviews I posted a while back. Check those out for further thoughts on why these movies are among the worst of the year.

Runners-up:
BEOWULF
TRANSFORMERS
SLEUTH
THE SIMPSONS MOVIE
300

The nominees:
GOYA’S GHOSTS
Javier Bardem had better hope that no one sees this dismal failure of a film if he wants to win the Oscar for “No Country for Old Men”. Both he and Natalie Portman are trapped in the worst roles of their careers in a film that is horrifically bad and not even meagerly enjoyable if watched with a mocking eye. The story of an Inquisition official given a taste of his own medicine by a devoted father has nothing to offer – and even casts Portman as her own daughter.

NEXT
There is not one ounce of sense in this film. Cage walks around as if he is the coolest thing since sliced bread, anticipating the next two minutes of his future. Instead of taking off from this intriguing premise, the film stays grounded in a twist – he can see further into the future of one girl! – and some embarrassing acting by Cage, Julianne Moore, and Jessica Biel.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD’S END
The first one was excellent, the second was bad, and this one is just ugly. Johnny Depp being alive in the first place makes no sense, and this final installment is relegated to senseless physical comedy and an even more inane plot (Keira Knightley as the pirate king – say what?). Tack on a miserable ending and this is one pitiful end to a trilogy that should just have been one terrific film.

SOUTHLAND TALES
It is incredibly difficult to describe this movie. The director of the wildly popular cult classic “Donnie Darko” takes another stab at end-of-the-world fatalistic drama with infinitely less success. The first half (of two and a half hours!) is bizarre and puzzling, while the second half further enhances the confusion and makes literally no sense. It is still fascinating to watch to try and understand who thought any of this was a good idea, but it gets awfully boring when there is no coherent payoff of any kind.

WALK HARD
Judd Apatow was on such a hot streak with “Knocked Up” and “Superbad” and then he had to go and co-write this abysmal parody of “Ray” and “Walk the Line” (not two films that to me seem moral targets for parody, but that is besides the point), capitalizing on the pain and suffering of each of the performers and making it into a running, gratingly unfunny joke. John C. Reilly and Jenna Fischer disgrace their good names with their participation in this film.