Oh, What a Mess: Beowulf

Beowulf
Directed by Robert Zemeckis
Released November 16, 2007

I will begin by mentioning that I saw the 3-D "IMAX Experience" version of this film. I cannot imagine how it would be appealing on any level to anyone watching it on DVD. I was cheering at points throughout the film, mostly in mockery because body parts and blood droppings were coming flying at my face, and I started counting how many times Beowulf shouted "I am Beowulf!" (a mere six, unfortunately). There is little to seriously admire about this movie, save for the impressive motion-capture animation and well-designed visual effects. The battle scenes are wholly preposterous, and actually quite bloody and gruesome (a friend of mine actually left), and I am shocked that this got away with a PG-13 rating. Not to mention the nudity, which includes an almost full-frontal nude Angelina Jolie and Beowulf feeling the need to strip down completely every time he starts a battle, with the rest of the cast engaging in awkward blocking to shield his unmentionables from view. Jolie had better hope that Oscar voters see "A Mighty Heart" without thinking about this film if she wants to have any shot at a nomination this year. Anthony Hopkins has seen much better days, and Ray Winstone delivers a poor performance (see "Sexy Beast" though - he is superb in that!). The film is campy, and the dialogue is painful. My friend was shocked that it took two people to write this script, especially when one of them won an Oscar for the screenplay of "Pulp Fiction". This disaster does no justice to the epic poem, and certainly does nothing if viewed without the 3-D glasses which the film can hide its emptiness behind.

F

Oscar chances: It is eligible for Best Animated Feature, but will have to fend off "Persepolis", "The Simpsons Movie", and "Bee Movie" to join "Ratatouille" among the list of nominees. The visual effects may be the best shot "Beowulf" has at recognition, though it could also surface in the sound and sound editing categories. Do not expect an overly enthusiastic reception for this crap though.