A Plea to Moviegoers Everywhere

I write this after attending advance screenings three nights in a row and finding myself irreconcilably annoyed with the audience. I would like to request a few simple rules to be abided by while watching a film in theatres. This does not apply merely to advance screenings; it just happens that most of the films I see during their theatrical release periods are in the middle of the day when the theatres are pretty empty. Without further ado:

1) Put your cell phones on vibrate or silent. All phones should be easy enough to use that not knowing how to silence them is a poor excuse. During a movie a few days ago someone's cell phone kept beeping and the guy did not even leave the auditorium, he just let it keep ringing. I will admit that my phone went off once because I forgot to turn it to vibrate, but I quickly silenced it and all was well. If your phone goes off by accident, just switch it off. Texting is arguably okay. Admittedly, someone might need to get in touch with you and it is usually alright to answer back via text-messaging, as long as it does not light up the room too much and distract from a serious moment.

2) Applause is almost always inappropriate. If it is a rip-roaring action movie and there is a crazy awesome scene and you just feel the need to give it a quick round of applause, go ahead. Once is the absolute limit for a film, however. During "American Gangster", the audience started clapping at least ten times, which covered up follow-up dialogue and seemed wholly unwarranted. Most importantly, this is not a Broadway show. With the possible exception of premieres, the actors and filmmakers will rarely be in the audience, so they do not need the praise at that particular moment. Clap at the start of the credits and tell your friends you liked it, but do not applaud throughout the movie. In a particular recent case, the applause served to completely interrupt and almost ruin a very dramatic and poignant scene.

3) One of the most exciting things about watching a movie is when a twist comes. The feeling of having the rug pulled out from under you and completely not expecting a move is great. But part of the enjoyment is having the chance to figure it out for yourself. If you have theories about what is going to happen, keep them to yourself. If you want to let your friends now have clever you are, whisper quietly to them what you think might happen. In a recent film, a man sitting behind me predicted a twist I never would have expected nearly an hour before it was revealed. My mind was racing with that idea for the entire hour and ruined the delighted surprise I would have felt at the big reveal. That same man continued to share his revelations and failed to give the other members of the audience an extra thirty seconds to realize what was going on for themselves. Many theatres ask you not to "spoil the movie by adding your own soundtrack". I wholeheartedly agree.